Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
