I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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