I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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