guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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