i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
