i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
