He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
