she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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