You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
