She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So apparently I’m into choking now
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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