Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
