if you like me you must not know who I am
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
