exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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