So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
