Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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