Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
