My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
