when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
