And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
