; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
