I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
