she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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