I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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