i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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