Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
