The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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