Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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