haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
