i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
