maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
