Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
