We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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