So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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