Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
