i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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