If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
