At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
