fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
