Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
