Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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