ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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