I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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