I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
