Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
