even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
