fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
