just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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