She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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