it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
