Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
