He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
