it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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