i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
4 words: hood of his car
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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