I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
