closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
