youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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